There’s been this memory on my mind for a couple of days.
I’m back in Spain. It’s my Erasmus exchange time. It’s my penultimate night before coming back to my country. I meet A. then. We are talking on a chat and when he gets to know that I am leaving, he suggests that we should meet for the last time. I agree. I like him. He has this dangerous beauty that I can’t resist. Not that he is a pretty boy face, rather a rebel look with very sharp features of his face, visible cheekbones, full lips, dark ayes with clearly defined eyebrows that only add this certain type of restlessness to his overall being. I can’t say “no”. I somehow feel that it’ll be the last time I’ll ever see him and if I don’t go to the meeting, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
It was a hot summer night. And I mean the type of a hot summer night you experience in August in the south. The type that gives you vertigoes and shortage of breath. We met in a park. The one that was meant for all the lovers to secretly cuddle and kiss under the dark Madrid skies. We sat in a rather isolated place. We talked and drank red wine. We were in our early twenties, the world just opening its doors for us. We talked about our fears, hopes and dreams for the future. He was an architecture student, I already worked as a teacher finishing my diploma. Two different worlds, but, undoubtedly, there was a vibe between us. The warmth feeling that connected us, the easiness of the conversation that we held, the gentleness of his touch. At some point we started to kiss and cuddle. All in all, we were in the lovers’ park and it seemed that it was the inevitable course of events, or a matter of time, if you prefer. It happened very naturally. It was consensual. The vibe between us was too strong. We continued the night in his place.
I haven’t seen him ever since. When I came back to my country, we continued the relation online. We chatted for some months, he asked me a few times when I’d move back to Madrid, but it never happened. I already started my life back in Warsaw. I never saw him again, although I tried to meet him a few times. I had a big crush on him. I flew to a few places for short trips, the places I knew he was living at that time. But he refused to meet me again. When I got to know that he started a relationship with someone else, it broke my heart. I was still very young and naive. I was hurt for a very long time, though, I believe I still had a little hope that one day he’d write me and say that he was wrong and that I was the one for him. It never happened, and I moved on at some point.
I’ve been wondering today why this memory got stuck in my mind, why now? I was in a completely different world mentally and suddenly I found myself in Madrid, 9 years back. This memory. It actually made me cry. Such a positive and sweet thing to be reminded on made me cry. Why?
The answer came as suddenly. Maybe because it’s still alive? Maybe it hasn’t transformed itself yet into a memory? Maybe it’s not a thing from the past but a present feeling? But why? Maybe because ever since it happened no other guy has treated you that way? And maybe that was the only case in your life when you felt like friendship in a relationship is possible and you can be more than only a sexual object that guys can use for some time and replace for a new one once they got bored with you?
Thank you A. for that night. It felt super special to me. Thank you that we never met again. Thank you that we never started a real relationship and that this sweet encounter never evolved into anything else. With time, I know that it was the best way it could have ended. We were too different for each other. The friendly relationship that we kept online didn’t stand a test of time. We were a good match for a summer romance, but only for that. I see it clearly now.
Thank you for showing me respect and interest in my personality. Thank you for putting in the effort to get to know me better. Thank you for your attention. Thank you for showing me how good and positive things can go between two people. Thank you for showing me that, I really appreciate it.
I’m making you a memory now, A. You were a sweet one.