Journal of less important matters 26/03/2020

Sometimes what we want is not exactly what we need.

Sometimes we focus on what we want so much that we completely ignore the red flags, warnings, and other signs with a very visible “NO” attached to them.

Sometimes we want something so much because we need to prove to ourselves that we are capable, that we can do it.

Sometimes we want something so much because we want to prove to the others that we are capable, that we can do it.

Be that as it may, is it really the thing that we need the most in our lives?

I’ve recently had a lot of time for reflecting. The past screened a lot of painful memories in front of my eyes. A lot of them I wish I could just forget. They resurface again and again as if my subconscious mind was trying to convey a message, to give me an important lesson.

“I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.” I hear the words of Murakami in my ears. So I allow the painful snapshots to revisit my body again. They’re hear to tech me something, I keep on telling to myself. They’ll bring clarity to my experiences.

And they do. I go deeper and deeper, I cut to the bone. There it is. The reason behind it all.

I’m standing there. The little girl of mine. Merry, naive with her head in the clouds. And there come all those people who did me wrong. I can observe that I, in my naivety, let them in by myself. It’s not easy to have good intentions in today’s world, little girl. Some might take advantage of it while the others will take you for granted. Some will pass you by as if you never existed while others will develop obsessive behaviors in order to destroy you. People are different, and people are people.

But please, little girl, don’t lose hope and don’t lose faith. Even after all you’ve seen and gone through. Stay the little girl of yours, a bit naive, a bit funny, daydreaming a lot. Don’t let the wrong people in your life make you forget who you are. Don’t let them change your good heart into stone. Don’t let them change your good intentions into dust. I do beg you, little girl. Stay unchanged, stay the same, stay true to yourself.

© Lusessita Kingsley 2020

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