Journal of less important matters. (29/09/2018)

Disappointments are always so awful tasting.

They so hard to swallow and the bitter aftertaste stays in your mouth for long. Every time, no matter what happened. These are all the broken expectations, lost hopes and failures. These are the moments of hopelessness, despair and grief. They always follow great anticipation, hope and excitement. They’re the result of naiveness, child-like faith and optimism.

I’ve always envied this to my friends. The rational thinking, letting go and moving on so quickly. They have this easiness of dealing with failures and disappointments. Something is not happening – OK, I don’t mind. I can’t have this or that – well, I surely can do without it. No – so let’s move on. As simple as that. No over thinking, no regrets, no second chances. They give in just like that and fill their lives with something else. No desire to fight for what they care about, no initiative to change. They just accept the way their lives go.

I was, on the other hand, the unlucky child born with all the faith and hope this world could give. I’ve always been the last to give up, I’ve never lost faith in anything and anyone. To me, everything is possible, you just need to believe strong enough and it will all happen. And I’ve always been the one to cry the most. For I’ve always had faith in people. I’ve always believed in them. I’ve always approached them trusting that everyone is good, I’ve never seen the bad in them. I’ve always found the reason behind all their actions. Even the meanest ones. I’d always have the explanation, I’d always find the fault in me. I’m this understanding. But then, at some point I’d realize that it actually wasn’t me, that people are bad, that they do mean things to others. It always hurt. This disappointment in people, which, in fact, didn’t prevent me from keeping faith in them.

The Mother Nature awarded me with the heaviest gift on Earth, undoubtedly.

Understanding. Forgiveness. Empathy. Faith. Tolerance.

And people know this. They feel they can take advantage of it. And they surely do. Every time it hurts the same. Or rather, every time it hurts more and more. Why?

Maybe because people fail to understand the basic truths in life. If you are given the same, or at least similar, situation, it means that you are given a chance to correct yourself, to make things better, to improve. Not to repeat the mistake. Not to hurt again. Not to disappoint. Life is giving you a lesson, but you don’t want to learn. So the cycle is repeated. And me, in my total faith in you, am again deceived. Because I believe in you. I believe that one can change their behavior, correct it. Sometimes we can be lost in the moment, confused, unsure what to do next, but this doesn’t give us the permission to go mean or evil.

Choose kindness and empathy. Think twice before you act. Everyone deserves that.

© Lusessita Kingsley 2018

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