Journal of less important matters (08/09/2017)

Sunday reflections over a cup of coffee

It’s Sunday. As usual, I’m sitting with a cup of coffee and thinking the things over.

The recent months were pretty hard for me. There were a lot of disappointing moments, heartbreaks, lost chances and disillusionments. Back then, I really thought I couldn’t have been suffering more. It was a real misery.

The human being, however,  is a very peculiar creature. The suffering I put myself through, because let’s face it – I let all the bad things happen in my life, I didn’t react when there was the right time to do so, so I felt hurt, and frustrated and angry – with myself, with my inability to overcome my fears and to act. In the end, the suffering I experienced turned out to be my life’s greatest lesson.

So I learnt, at first, a lot about the people around me. And it’s really sad for me to admit this – in the hardest moments I couldn’t count on anyone but myself. All those friends giving me smart advice on how I should deal with my life without even wanting to listen to me. All the times when I really needed to talk to someone and the only reply I got was “No, not again the same topic. I can’t listen to it anymore”.

I learnt that people don’t want to spend time to understand one another, they judge. It’s easier, right. If someone acts contrarily to the standard norms of behavior, they say “Uhm, s/he’s strange, don’t think about him/her, s/he’s not worth it”. Hey guys, how do you know this? Maybe you’re not worth it either? It’s so easy when you judge others but once you are being judged, you get offended.

I learnt that you must follow your intuition only. Your heart knows the best, it sends you signals to inform on what’s good or not for you. It tells you everything, once you focus on what’s there inside of you, you’ll understand everything. I connected with my inner self, understood my feelings and emotions and realized why I acted this way and not the other.

I learnt that when someone violates my moral and ethical values I have to stand against to protect myself. My security, self-respect and peace of mind.

I learnt that ego is not a good adviser. The thing you want doesn’t necessarily have to be the thing you will get. If you desire something or someone but deep inside your intuition is sending you some warnings, you shouldn’t ignore them. And instead of blindly pushing the thing to happen – because you want it, you should let go and see what will stay. And the thing that is left is the right one for you.

I learnt that if you care about someone, you can’t just turn your back on them because of something they said or did when they had a worse day and you didn’t like it. Love is about caring for them in their best and in their worst.

I learnt, finally, that you are the master of your life and it is only up to you what you invite to it. You can choose to stay negative or fight for your happiness.

Life gave me a really hard lesson, but three months later, I am able to say that I am ready. Ready for you and everything that comes after.

© It’s Lusessita Kingsley 2018